I figured I should post another entry here since you have been so sweet and concerned and comforting, and since it’s only right to push down the horrible cyst-pic (we’re all tired of looking at it, I know). I guess I don’t need to start with a justification of why I’m posting an entry since this IS a blog, but it’s been so long since I treated it as one that I felt I had to (I’m sure you’ve noticed, poethelena has slipped into something of a coma–twitching only slightly whenever I’d like to passive-aggressively hate on a dude using my poetry).
You might be wondering:
What has Helena has been up to? It’s nearly a fortnight since that repugnant quasi-birth of hers, and not a peep. Is she taking Darvocet like big pink tic-tacs to no avail? Is she watching one DVR-ed episode of Law and Order after another? Does she think Vincent D’Onofrio’s Hands should have their own title card every time they show up, because they’re the only thing she can focus on when they are on the screen?
You probably aren’t actually wondering any of those things, but the answers are Yes, Yes, and GOD Yes (isn’t he the hottest?) on the off chance that you are.
How am I? Bored, depressed, and antsy. The options for entertainment are pretty much limited to home, since going out is still challenging physically and emotionally. Today, still in denial of that fact, I went to Home Depot to buy a few things for projects around the apartment and wound up crying in a corner (no lie) when I couldn’t find the keyless socket I needed to repair a lamp.
It being the case that I have sooo much time here at home, you’d think I’d be good and done making all my crafty X-mas gifts…but you’d be wrong! Just like I was when I thought it would be a good idea to MAKE and not BUY so many of my presents. Next year, shitty popcorn tins and Danish cookies for everyone!
Tomorrow is my post-op appointment. I’m going to ask the doctor a few things like; Will I ever have the stomach of a normal human again? Should there be this shooting pain in/around the incision? Is the fact that I feel as if the world is ending a matter of concern? And could you please please prescribe me some more Ativan because it is the only thing keeping me from constantly weeping?
Well, I guess I should get back to watching L&O. If I hurry, I can squeeze in about three more episodes before my new bedtime of 4am (also known as “Nuts o’clock,” or “When Helena Stops Trying to Avoid the Inevitable Nightmares”). Thank you for your wonderful wishes. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for enduring the annoying, self-pitying, droning entry that this has become (ok, always was). Your kindness means a great deal to me. I find it incredibly hard to admit I am feeling defeated and tired, and need help. To the friends and family who have rallied around me during this time, please know that your presence is appreciated. Every day the water feels higher and higher, and your support is the only thing keeping my head above it.
Don’t worry–more of the aforementioned poetry, and less of the whining soon.