Hi everybody! First off, I want to say thank you for the inquiries you’ve made as to my presence–both privately, and right here on the site. It means a lot to me to know that there ARE people who would notice if I fell off the face of the earth. Here is the answer to all your questions, and more!

Remember that thing about the fibroids not being there? Well, there was good news and bad news. The good news; I definitely don’t have fibroids! The bad news? I have a huge (and I mean huge) ovarian cyst. The kind that could win me a prize if it were a pig at a county fair.

It was about the size of a grapefruit in June. Tumor markers looked good (meaning it didn’t seem like cancer based on blood tests). Surgery was initially scheduled scheduled for July, but because I had to fight with my insurance (another nightmare altogether, but one that I won!) it was rescheduled to February, when my freelance work at Rob and Big would be complete and I would have time to recover. Then in late October I went in to see my doctor because the level of discomfort I was experiencing increased to a point I couldn’t ignore. The cyst had grown dramatically–almost doubled in size. It is, in its largest dimension, 18cm. That is just one dimension, it’s also pretty wide and deep. Go grab a ruler and get an idea of what I mean. I’ll wait.

Fucking creepy, right? I feel like I am hosting some kind of aggressive alien spore.

ANYway, my doc took me off work and I had a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis, then followed up with an oncologist. On closer inspection, it looks like this is what they call a “borderline” cyst, meaning there is a relatively small (but not negligibly small) chance that it could be cancer. About 10%. At the moment, I am definitely going to have to have the right ovary (where they think the cyst is originating from) removed. Depending on what they find when they open me up, further treatment may be required. Oh, I’m sorry, were you having dinner?

My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, December 3rd. I’ll be at Cedars Sinai, in the hands of very good doctors. Actually, my OB is also Angelina Jolie’s doctor–he delivered Shiloh! So I’m like two degrees away from Brangelina’s cooter! Pretty neat, huh?

Recovery may take anywhere from two to six weeks. During that time I’ll be pretty much trapped in my house at the top of the giant staircase in Eagle Rock. If you like, you can bring me flowers, movies, vintage fabric, or chocolate to cheer me up.

I really didn’t have the heart to explain this over and over again to explain why I haven’t returned phone calls, or come to your parties, or answered your emails. But I did want you to know that it isn’t personal, or because I think you’re annoying and crazy (except for YOU–and YOU know who you are). You’re my friends and I value you very much. I just haven’t felt up to much socializing as of late, which I hope you’ll understand now.

I’ll update just as soon as I’m conscious again! Thanks again for all your kind remarks and letters.