I wanted to write about it sooner, but I thought it was best to wait a little while and let everything settle. I hope that everyone’s Thanksgiving weight gain has stopped feeling depressing at this point. Oh, I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it. Well.

As a result of this year’s dinner, and in order to end the bloody “Salad Wars” that have been raging these five years now, my family has adopted the following legislation.

The Avocado Treaty

There will be provided one avocado, per family member, per holiday. If any one family member brings along a guest, the family member in question shall divide their avocado with said guest(s) (unless there has been notice in advance of thirty days, in which case the guest shall receive their own avocado). This will hopefully reduce wooden-salad-spoon-related injuries.

The Crouton Clause

In an attempt to further reduce aforementioned injuries, each dinner guest shall also receive a ration of 5-7 croutons, per person, to dispose of as they see fit. If they wish to barter these croutons in exchange for additional avocado, they may do so.

Lastly, any available leftovers will be equally divided (based on number of household members, to include any mammalian housepets) into take-home containers.

Leave it to a bunch of Cubans to bring socialism to the dinner table.