Mixed signals. You know what it’s like. It’s on, it’s off, it’s on, it’s off. I normally agonize over these things, dissecting every word, every action, leaving each encounter like an unfortunate, disemboweled frog. Most of the time, though, the only ones that ever know how much anguish I’m putting myself through are my good friends. And, well, you guys. But usually I don’t even mention it to you because whoever HE is, there’s a chance he might swing by the blog and see what I’m thinking and totally FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Who wouldn’t? I’m totally nuts. But in this case, I think it’s safe to say that is a moot point.
So here I come to the non-moot point. I’m not going to fight these things anymore. I’m not going to struggle to understand why, when something seemed to be getting warmed up, it suddenly turned clammy. I’m not going to ask myself questions. I’m not going to wonder what I did wrong. Because the truth is I didn’t do anything wrong. People click, or they don’t. And if they don’t, what good comes from analyzing the whole ordeal? Just move on.
This is hard for a person like me, who has to understand everything that people are feeling, all the time. I need to see inside them. You ever know someone who takes things apart just to see how they work, then puts them back together again? Even those people will tell you that sometimes they end up with a spare nut or two. And emotions are much more complicated than transistor radios, so I probably need to just learn how to let them be.