Things I’m Bad At:
Waiting
Bullshit
Holding back
Playing games
Keeping my tongue
Pretending

Things I’m Good At:
Overanalyzing
Worrying
Openness
Sincerity
Vulnerability
Gut-spilling

It’s no wonder I’m a disaster when it comes to dating. There are all these…structures, this kind of obstacle course, that you have to go through in order to get anywhere. There’s a constant shifting of power. A delicate balance of disinterest and availability that must be struck. Seemingly endless multiple choice questions must be answered correctly in order to advance. The games are complicated, the rules unwritten. They mostly involve hiding our feelings, our fears. Expressing these things makes us weak, and therefore undesireable. So we’re supposed to just swallow them down and grope blindly, trying to pin the tail on this bullshit donkey.

This isn’t new territory. Not for me, or for you. It’s the same old story and I don’t know why I’m ever surprised. I guess it’s that sometimes I start to think I’ve struck a deal with someone, that neither of us is going to play, but it turns out that is, like, the ultimate move. Get them to believe you’re not playing…then leave them in the dust. And you might ask, Why? Why would someone do such a thing? Because fuck em, that’s why!