I often wonder if I don’t want some things solely because I can’t have them. You know what I mean. You probably feel the same way. Seems like all these things are less interesting when they’re mine for the taking, or when they’re in my hands. But that same dreary old Thing looks shiny and new when someone else is holding it. I can see it from different angles, from farther away where the flaws are less noticeable. Suddenly it’s all I need. It’s the only way I’ll ever be happy. I knowingly embark on an ill-fated mission to obtain The Thing I Can’t Have (but I Don’t Really Want). It keeps my mind occupied for a time. And it ensures that happiness is always just over the horizon, but never really my destination.
Sometimes I figure this out and I’m able to get off my little hamster wheel of discontent.
Sometimes I run and run and run furiously for months or years, getting nowhere.
Sometimes The Thing comes walking up to me and says, “Hey, whatcha doing?”
And I go, “Oh, just trying to get to This Thing that’s really fantastic and all I’ll ever want and need from life.”
Then The Thing goes, “Wow, that sounds like a pretty cool Thing.”
To which I curtly reply, “Yes, it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really need to focus here.”
And The Thing walks away with its hands in its pockets.
And once in a greeeeeeeeeat while I actually get to The Thing and after one good look at it I remember why I didn’t want it in the first place.
In any scenario, I am ultimately taught (again) that there’s no Thing that will make me happy, that will be all I ever want and need from life. It’s not a destination, it’s not a finish line, it’s not a series of items that can be checked off a list.
And I’ve done it just enough times to where the lesson is starting to stick. The Thing and The Wheel are all wrong. I get it.
So what the hell am I supposed to do now?