This is a problem. 75% of the time when I log into the sites I visit most, there are ads for this online “dating” service. I put “dating” in quotation marks, because “dating” seems like a misnomer, since the objective of this service is clearly to get you laid—not find you tru love. Their banners rarely contain the subject’s face (well, sometimes a deliciously full and pouting mouth, but never the eyes), and tend to focus on, well…you can see what they focus on.

These ads bother me for several reasons.

1) They redefine the idea of objectifying women in advertising. Clearly, we use sex to sell. I’m not going to ask that we cease exploiting the female form, or provocative images, to pique consumers’ interest. I’m realistic. All I’m asking, is that we stop using enormous, disembodied tits as a way to get people to use a dating site. Or, if you’re going to do that shit, at least have an equal number of ads with some anonymous dude’s bulging package just leaping off the screen at me.

2) I don’t have a choice as to whether I see them. These ads are…well, rather noticeable. Ok, they’re big, fucktastic, attention-grabbing spectacles. I can’t minimize them, or shut them off. I have to shrink my window and scroll away from them if I want to stop being distracted by the enormous, disembodied, lopsided titties long enough to write a flirtations note to some boy with long hair. And frankly that makes checking my dumb messages at Myspace far too energy-consuming.

3) They make everything look like porn. They pop up on relatively innocuous sites—sites that are work-safe enough for me to peruse on a slow afternoon. Then my boss comes round and takes a gander over at my monitor, and sees what would otherwise be a totally innocent scene…except for there are ENORMOUS, DISEMBODIED TITS staring back at him. And now it looks as if Helena is visiting smut sites in the middle of the day, because she is a lazy, no-good, perv! Which I am, but this is beside the point.

In short, I would like to respectfully request that these ads be relegated to someplace where they might better target the horny male demographic…though I guess Myspace is a pretty good place for that. Alright, fine. In that case, I would like to respectfully request that the woman’s face be included, or that male crotch be introduced into the campaigns as well (not really what anyone wants). And, failing all of these, I would respectfully request that they AT LEAST use someone whose boobs are on the same plane.